The Princess and the Beast (A Kylo Ren Romance)
by Kezzlebezzle
Summary: Every darkness can be lit up. Every evil deed can be redeemed. But he had gone so far. Maybe too far. And to save him, she must give everything she is, everything she has . . . perhaps even her life. Is Denere willing to pay that price?
1. Chapter 1

_Please vote and comment everyone! I am eager to see how this one goes!_

In my dreams, I am still just a child. Only a child. I'm wearing a silky pink dress and out of the corner of my eye, I can see my wispy curls blowing in the warm summer wind. It's pleasant, not too cold, and not too hot and as far as the eye can see . . . the grass. Tall and flowing, gliding like the river mouth into the distance. I am not in pain here. I am not anything. I am not anyone. I am just a girl, and this is my playground. This is where dreams come alive. But then, an icy blast slams into my back. And I gasp. And I remember that dreams are only for sleeping. And when we sleep, soon, all must wake.

"Nightmares can be very unpleasant . . ."

That voice. The shadows part thankfully. I can see. The glowing golden lights on the ceiling, the rich wave of herby scents, the silence of the dessert. Jakku Village. In the middle of nowhere – just how I like it. Here no one asks questions. How can they when the answers lie so many miles away?

The woman is crouching at the corner of the tent. She is old, this woman. In fact, she looks older than any one I have ever seen. The emotion cannot be mistaken, the wisdom in her eyes, it speaks of a soul within that has seen too much, that has forgotten hope but is not quite ready to let it go. It draws me. It has been too long since I have seen this sort of power. The power of a dream that has stood the greatest test of all, that of time.  
"It's over now," I respond calmly. I keep my tone level and my eyes fixed on hers. Because I know if one tear falls, the rest will follow without delay and I can't cry about this. I won't.  
Her big grey eyes soften and she rises. She has aged wisps of silky hair tumbling down her shoulders and she is dressed in simple brown robes that hang off her body. Which prompts me to the question, where am I? As if already knowing my thoughts, the woman speaks.  
"My name is Secele Mont Kare," she smiles. "You stumbled in to our village half crazed in the early hours of this day. You are on Jakku and here is where you shall remain, until your wounds heal."  
I raise an eyebrow. This does not sound familiar. "Wounds?"  
She sighs and gently lifts something off my chest. A clean bandage, but as the cold air hits my skin, I wince as a sharp spasm of pain cuts across my stomach. As I look down, I almost feel like crying. Barely any of my flesh can be seen. Red. There's so much red, and brown, and purple. So much bruising, and raging purple lines are easily visible on the surface of the skin. Something . . . a memory . . . those words . . . I will always find you. . . NO!  
There's a piercing sound cutting through the air, a loud ringing. The old woman is grabbing my arms, shaking me wildly, tears tumbling down her wrinkled cheeks. My throat is raw as I shriek again and again and again and again. It is as if the sound is not even coming from me. It is horror, it is panic and I have to let it out. My soul must release all this pain before it explodes. He will find me. He will find me. There is no crevice in all the galaxy where he could not.  
Before long I am drained. I am no longer so panicked, so wrapped up. I am only . . . tired. So so tired. And I must rest, even if I am standing . . I must lie down, I must surrender. And I do. My brain turns off, and my legs give out and my heart becomes deathly silent. And then there is darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry the italix feature is not working! Guys, PLEASE comment! I really need feedback! Thanks so much for all the votes on my first chapter! I really appreciate it! You guys are my motivation to keep writing so please help me out and let me know what you think! Anyway, here it is!

FLASHBACK

The man is there again. It appears to be a man. It is tall, it has arms and legs. But it's completely covered in black, from the leather boots to the crown of the head, which is concealed beneath a striking helmet. The man. With the deep bassy voice ringing out and that never ending aura of rage. And another emotion . . . hatred. For this monster.

They stand in a courtyard of shimmering marble. The two moons vibrant as blood, just hovering in the silver sky. The dropping emerald branches and the soft trickle of the fountain spitting water into the sapphire pool. Olderon. Her home. Her paradise. Her sanctuary. So why does it feel so much like a prison?

"Princess Denere."

Her flesh prickles as if it has been scourged. That is why. Oh the hatred! She has always been so withdrawn, so hidden from such powerful emotion. Never has she felt such loathing! And yet never before has anyone tried to take so much from her. It as if she is in the mouth of a volcano, the boiling fire seeping up inside of her, murderous and sure.

She must turn. It is the way. To turn is to acknowledge. But that is all this beast shall get.

"Ren."

She hears his sharp intake of breath from behind the mask. The upcoming fear at his retaliation is instantly supressed by the sweet taste of satisfaction. To call her future husband by such a formal name, to not completely acknowledge his title . . . it is the height of disrespect. It is only the beginning of her defiance.

"Mind how you speak Princess," he breathes, stepping towards her. "Your life hinges on my every wish!"

The urge to run is so strong. The urge to cower, to weep, to tremble. But he must pay. He has so many under his thumb. He must know that she will not join them. He must know. So she bites her lip and matches his gaze.

"We are not married yet," she spits. "Not yet. And though you may have blackmailed my family, I can still refuse."

His voice dips even further as the masked man steps even closer. So close he can feel the flames of his frustration tinging her heart. "That . . . would be unwise my lady."

"I am being forced into a corner. I am not in possession of my normal faculties. Do not presume to lecture me on the course of wisdom."

"You dare . . ."

"DENNY!"

Tears form in her eyes as a tiny hand grabs her much larger finger. She smiles lovingly as she looks down at her small sister, the lovely Princess Arya. She is only five. Too young to have all her hopes and dreams stolen by the First Order. She does not see this figure of death before. Does not see the power in his grasp. Only sees her hero. Her sister Denere.

"Come on! Come on!" the little child continues to plead, giggling light-headedly. "Daddy has something GREAT to show you!"

The masked man is watching. She cannot tell the emotion. Only behold his watchful gaze and sense ever so slightly, his heart . . . soften? No it cannot be. He is a psychopath. He has slaughtered children younger and more innocent before. And soon, he will be her lord and husband. Now that is betrayal.

"Until we meet again, my Princess."

He hisses the words like some sort of malfunctioning droid. Almost as if he cannot wait to get away. And then he is gone. Gone.

END OF FLASHBACK

My eyes snap open. The air rushes out of my lungs as I realise I have been holding my breath. The tension will not settle. Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren. Ben. My husband. The deal is done. I became his wife. And now my family is safe, my little Arya is safe, my home world is safe. But I know somehow . . . that he is coming. He will find me. He always finds me.


	3. Chapter 3

**_**Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous chapter! Much appreciated. Please kindly do so for this one! It's very encouraging and let's me know if I should continue!**_**

When I wake, my body feels as if it is on fire. Fire. And the panic and the desperation surges through every bone in my body. Everything hits me like one colossal fist. The smoke billowing up from the tent around me. The searing heat that makes me want to curl into a ball and hide. The sound of explosions ripping through the peaceful village, full of innocent people. The blaster bolts wipping through the wind. We're under attack. Attack. Attack.  
My legs draw me from the tent in seconds, whipping through the sand as if of their own accord. My lungs are hacking, my mouth retching as a I collapse outside the smouldering wreckage. I don't care that I almost died. That I looked death right in the eye for a few brief moments and death looked back. I have heard this before. I have been running from the First Order since I married that evil man. And they have been following me. It has been too long a fight, with too many sacrifices, for me to be discovered now. And yet as I sense a presence, and I hear a voice, I know it is all about to be undone.  
"Search the village."  
It is him. There can be no mistaking it, even with the voice changer. The voice and the person it belongs to . . . they are unchanging. Icy. Bitter. Angry at the world and everything in it. My husband is here. Kylo Ren is here. And I am hoping beyond all hope, that it is not me he seeks.  
I duck behind a piece of wreckage as I listen closer. Maybe he is not here for me at all. Maybe something else.  
My heart sinks as I see a man being dragged onto his ship, a massive Upsilon grade command shuttle. But more importantly, I see him. Standing tall and unyielding as he looks out at the imprisoned villages and their homes burning under the night.  
"Sir."  
Captain Phasma strides up to him in her shimmering violet armour. She is so tall. About his height. I only met her once, briefly after the wedding. Once was enough. She looked like she was just waiting for me to move so she'd have an excuse to snap my neck.  
"What shall we do with the villagers?"  
The whole place is littered with storm troopers. They'll never make it out. Even if they do, where can they go?  
"What indeed?" He hisses.  
Bile bites my throat as I see him step over a dead body before him as if it is nothing but a stepping stone.  
"You have all already been convicted of treason against the Order!" He booms. "The punishment for which, is death."  
He is barely raising his voice. Yet every man, every woman, every child. Through the sweat of their tears, I can see that they hear him. That they fear him. As they should.  
"But I can offer you a chance for pardon," he snarls, clenching his fists. "You have someone that belongs to me. I can sense she is here, or at the very least, she was . . ."  
My heart is practically in my throat but what I see before me is far worse. Even I, in all my naivety can see it. The whispering, the downcast eyes, the plain signs of guilt. They know that I am here. They will not protect me. Why should they? The lives of their little children or the life of some girl who's been trespassing on their hospitality?  
"Give me the Princess Denere, return my wife to me . . . and you will all be spared."  
The next few seconds are the longest of my entire life. It as if my spirit cannot take the expectation. A hand on my arm. An eye that finally sees me. I can see myself standing there. I can see my face. Running with tears, swollen eyes, hiding. Always hiding. But never in my entire life, have I let someone else pay with their lives for what I have done. And many people are about to lose many lives. Me hiding is only for me. If I give myself up, I can save them. I must save them. Because if I do not, I am a coward. And that is utterly unacceptable.  
"Captain Phasma . . ." He breathes.  
"Sir?" The excitement rings in her metallic voice.  
"Kill them all."  
"Wait!"  
Oh have mercy. Have mercy. That sound came from me. I know. Because consequently, every single eye turns upon me. I am already moving. Not consciously. But moving towards him. His gaze is fixed on me and I can feel the prickling slithering across my skin, the goosebumps. There has always been a connection between us. Maybe not to my liking, but as I see him now, and he sees me, after a long year of running, I cannot deny the bond which I feel. The tether.  
For a moment, neither of us speaks. We do not need to. He knows. I know. There's no way to back out of this new found heroic conquest.  
He reaches for my hand but I step back. "You will spare them?"  
A pause. "What does it matter to you?"  
"It matters everything to me," I growl menacingly. "Why the hell did you think I gave myself up anyway?!"  
If I could see his face, I would bet the bastard is smirking. Smirking.  
"I said if THEY gave you up . . ."  
The realisation strikes me like a boulder. "What! But . . ."  
"And they did not give you up. And the penalty for treason . . . is death . . ."  
He's too quick. Even as my arm is racing to strike him, to make him pay, he has already anchored me. The a Force. The weight. The weariness. As the first shot is fired, as the first body falls, darkness touches me. As my body begins to tumble, a strong pair of arms lifts me off the ground. I can hear the robotic breathing so close, the heartbeat, and I know it is him. And that it is his fault. And that for now, I am gone.


	4. Chapter 4

_Please leave a comment guys! What do you think of Denere?_

I really need to stop collapsing like this. Either I pass out from sheer exhaustion, or my emotions run too rampant, or some obnoxious monster like Ren makes me fall unconscious. Lucky for him. Oh I can see it now. I would have shredded him. I would have watched with delight and satisfaction, as he felt the hopelessness that he has inflicted on others.  
Husband. What a disgusting word. I have never longed for a relationship. Not truly. Despite the suitors and the various offers, I knew that I was already complete. But if I had chosen a man to love, if he had chosen me . . . this is never how I envisioned it to be. Besides, our marriage is not consummated. He has no interest in my body, I have no interest in his. This marriage is a political tool that serves to protect my home from the First Order, and in return, give the First Order unlimited access to our weapons colonies. At any rate, I have no obligation. We are united in name only. I owe him nothing except a punch in the Crown Jewels.  
Around me, I hear voices. Slight ones. Phasma, droids . . . him. There are wires attached to my arms, and the burn on my stomach is no longer as painful. It feels cool and moist, like some sort of herbal salve is on it. It is peaceful for so long as I cannot see what is really going on. I could open my eyes. But I don't. I don't want to see hi, because just the sight of his face makes me clench my fists.  
"I know you are awake."  
I snarl under my breath. Gosh I want to hit him so bad. "Nothing gets by you does it?" I mutter sarcastically.  
There is a long pause. An uncomfortable silence. He's probably glowering at me but I don't bother to open my eyes and check. And then he speaks once more.  
"I hope you enjoyed your brief taste of freedom Princess, because tomorrow, you will be brought before the Supreme Leader, and you will never see it again."  
There is another pause. Another wait. My chest trembles . . . like my heart does. I feel fear . . . I do. And it is no more pleasant than the last thousand times it has bearded down upon me like some sort of Grim Reaper intend. on my destruction. But I have something else now. Not a hope. A stubborn anger. An indignation. He must be able to see it.  
So I open my eyes. And despite the bumbling protests of the medical droids, I sit up. And I turn my watch to him. Ren is just sitting there. Next to the bed. Helmet off. I have never forgotten his face. If only because it is so much more simple than looking into the eyes of someone you cannot see. The man underneath has pale skin and deep eyes, brown eyes. His hair is black as anything I could think of, long and wavy, reaching just above his shoulders. Perhaps if he was not so much of an evil, a plague upon this galaxy. Just the face. He would be very handsome. Yet all I feel is disgust as I look at that face.  
"Why did you bring me back if you hate me so much?"  
He falters! Yes I saw it. If only briefly, the facade drops. The snobbish arrogant air, the illusion of total dominance, it drops.  
"Because you are a valuable investment on the part of the Order. The Supreme Leader will make good use of you."  
The dark eyes raise to meet mine. And damn it! I . . . I quiver under his gaze. The same way you quiver as a breath of fresh air touches your lungs as you come up from water. I can't help this. I cannot explain why whenever I meet his gaze, it feels like we are connected. Like some sort of tether is anchored between us and no matter how far I run, it doesn't weaken. Maybe it has something to do with why he always finds me sooner or later when I run.  
"And also . . ."  
I raise an eyebrow. Is Kylo Ren actually nervous. It is actually disturbing. I have only seen one mode. The dark mode. The mode most people should pray they never see. Now? He almost looks normal. And he's . . . blushing? Ever so slightly. Oh my goodness. What the heck is he about to say?  
"I care . . . about you, Denere. And I know that you hate me. And I know you'll never stop fighting me or the darkness I come from. But I feel something between us. And I know that you feel it too . . ."  
The soft pressure on my cheek. My head turns and I realise he is touching me. He has never touched me. Never. Like this of his own accord. And it feels . . . like it should not feel. It feels like home. Like the kindness I have not had for so long. Like the family I have not seen in so long. And the electricity racing down my spine, like a hot spot from his fingers on my skin. My heart racing. Like some teenage hormonal girl. I turn my head and I can almost taste his disappointment. A deep sigh as he lowers his hand, brushing a tear from my cheek as he does so.  
"Always. Always you turn from me. Why?"  
He knows. We have shared a few of these moments. Times when the bond got too strong. When the emotion became too raw. And he showed tenderness. When I was crying every day after our marriage. When I'd starve myself just to prove that I could still feel. When I'd fall asleep on the floor, reading tales of happier times. He'd be there. He'd hold his tongue. He'd make me eat. Even threaten me if it meant I'd gain the weight I'd lost. He'd carry me to bed. So carefully I never remembered waking up. Until the morning. In my little bed. And he'd be as cold and distant and aloof as ever. Why? Because we both know, what he really is.  
"Because you are evil incarnate," I whisper. "And until the day you kill me, I will never stop fighting you."


	5. Chapter 5

I grow weary of this feeling. This sensation inside of me that never fails to meet me when I think I'm in danger. It starts in my chest, as if nestling in The deepest darkest corner of my heart. And then it spreads. To my mind. To my arms and my legs. And I quake. And I shed my silent tears, because I am terrified. And I have felt this fear too often.  
I feel it again now. As I am marched down the long lifeless corridors of Starkiller base. My legs are trembling and the emotion is so powerful that I think I want to cry. And I shall. But not now. Not in front of him. I shall cry later. When I am alone. When I know my fate.  
There are 3 Stormtroopers on either side of me, Ren is behind me. And ahead? Well. No need for anyone to be there. That's where they want me to go. Down the corridors. To that deceitfully simple little door. Where I shall see the Supreme Leader.  
I snap out of my haze as my head knocks on a firm chest behind me and I realise I have stopped. There is silence. My loud, laboured breathing which seems to echo like a war drum. The storm troopers have stopped. Yet they do not even turn to look at me. And I hear his breathing behind me, feel his chest rise and fall.  
"I'm not going in there," I breathe. My voice rasps out, and I feel the solid lump of anxiety in my pharynx.  
Kylo Ren sighs and whisks me around a little less aggressively than I expected. We face. I know my eyes are running. I'm uncomfortable, I'm on edge, and I'm scared out of my mind. But I hold his gaze. Because he has to know.  
"Don't be afraid Denere," he breathes, touching my arms gently. He's not holding me there. Just touching me. Just acknowledging me.  
"I have every reason to be," I groan.  
"No you do not. The Supreme Leader is all wise. If you watch that tongue of yours, you will be alright."  
"I don't want to be alright," I say. My voice rises slightly. "I don't want to watch my tongue. You're sending me in there, knowing full well that I won't come out the same! He'll try to make me like you! Cold, unfeeling, evil!"  
Nothing. Absolutely no response. But even the Stormtroopers take a few steps away from us. And I get the feeling that perhaps, just maybe, I should have "watched my tongue."  
He reaches up. I move to step back but find myself unable to move. The vile taste of the dark side as the force writhes around me, forcing me in place. He removes his helmet. The instinct is immediate. I face the ground as the various clicks unlock the mechanism. I don't like to look at him. He makes me panic for some reason. Not out of fear. But something else.  
"Look at me," he growls.  
"No . . ."  
"Denere . . . please."  
I am so surprised that I do actually turn to look at him. If only to see if my ears have deceived me. Did Kylo Ren actually say something polite? It appears he did.  
"I'm not going in there Ren."  
Try and make me you manipulative jerk, try and make me. I'm not going in that room. To become like him. To be seduced into doing disgusting things just because it's more convenient.  
"I told you not to call me that," he warns. "It is not a name befitting of your husband . . ."  
"You are NOT my husband!"  
". . . My name to you is, Kylo. And you will call me by it."  
"No . . ." I can already feel the words slipping off my tongue before I can sensor them. But that's not his name. That is not the face I see. The name of the face who is really under the mask. "Your name is Ben Solo. And you are not the man you pretend to be!"  
"Leave us!"  
I shriek as his loud voice cuts through the corridor. The clatter of boots as the Stormtroopers salute him and walk away. Now it's just us. And am beginning to find more and more, that I don't even care if he snaps my fragile little neck. So long as I make his heart bleed before the end.  
"You are fortunate that the Force favours our union Denere," he says. "It restrains me. I cannot harm you. And I find . . . I find that I do not wish to. But speak that name again, wife, bring up any mention of my former family, and I will find a way to make you regret it."  
"Sweet. And yet here I am, still standing, outside! And I am not going in. And you can't hurt me, so it looks like your hands are tied."  
He smirks and I raise an eyebrow. I'd much rather he yell in my face then this expression he's doing now. It looks unnatural.  
"Ah Denere . . . you forget my Princess, I do not have to harm you to control you."  
Two hands in my calves, the scene tilting as Kylo Ren drapes me over his back like I'm just a bundle of feathers. And starts walking. Towards the door. Towards my doom.  
"Hey!" I protest. "Don't you man handle me Ren! Ren . . ."  
I raise a hand to strike his head but he simply pulls the limb down, tightening his grip ever so slightly, though not enough to hurt.  
"How dare you! You . . ."  
My feet touch the ground. The ground inside the door. I am already moving to turn. Then he presses a button. And the door comes down. I have no choice. I must meet the Supreme Leader.


	6. Chapter 6

_Gosh everyone! I'm on a roll! Please vote and comment! I am curious as to how you think the story is going and how the characters are developing so please drop me a note!_

Once upon another time, my father, the King taught me about the Force. We had lessons. All of us. My older brother Tare, my twin brother Onar and my other sister, Nereli. And me. He taught us of Darth Plagueis the Wise. Darth Plagueis the Evil, an old Sith Lord from long long ago. He taught us about Anakin Skywalker and the abomination he became to save his wife, the beautiful Padme Amidala. But mostly, he taught us to feel the Force. To sense it.  
And I have never sensed it as much as I do now. Not the light. Not the flowing force of life that danced amidst the plants and the trees and fills me with energising breath every morning that I wake. This is the other side. The Dark Side. And while I have felt glimpses around Ren, it has never been as intense as this.  
My mind slows to a stand still as I strain my eyes to see in the darkness of this cold room. And he is there. A hologram of the Supreme Leader. And yet it is no less calming.  
He stands at over 30 feet tall, dwarfing me in a shadow of darkness. His skin is as pale as dead flesh, deformed and scared, curling over his distorted skull in thick cracks. His eyes hold nothing. No emotion. No anger. No vanity. No love. They are just black and seeing and unfeeling. And that is more disturbing than anything Ren has ever expressed.  
"You are his wife . . ." My skin instinctively prickles at the offensive grating sound that rasps from his curled mouth.  
Could he be talking to me? I hope not. I really hope not. He makes me feel empty. He makes me feel like a scarecrow dangling in the wind, a feather so easily uprooted and lost to the sky. But of course he's talking to me. And I manage to croak out a single word.  
"Yes."  
"At last. I have waited decades to see you . . ." He rasps. "To behold a Daughter of the Force . . ."  
"I don't know what you are talking about."  
There is a silence. And I mean absolute silence. He does not speak. I do not speak. I cannot even hear my breath. I can only watch as he fixes his stare on me. Not a glare. Not even a glower. Just watching intently like looking at an ant that you are about to step on.  
"Tell me child, why do you think I issued the order for Kylo Ren to marry you?"  
"Because you're a psychopath." Oops. I think that was out loud. Not that it makes any difference. He continues to speak. And his voice dwarfs put any insignificant objection I bring up.  
"Because of your power . . ." He extends a bony resemblance of a finger to point at me. "Your connection to the Force . . . a bond once in a millennia! And now I have found you. And you belong to the First Order."  
"No . . ." I whimper pathetically. "You - you needed access to our weapons mines! You were running out of ammunition, the documents . . ."  
"Were a lie child!" He clenches his fists and I am bothered to see a poor excuse for a smile. This unholy deformity, is smiling. At me. "Long ago, in the time of the Jedi, force sensitive children were born every other day! Connections to the living Force! After the Jedi's unfortunate defeat, the Force grew silent. The midichlorian count grew lower and lower! But I knew about you little one . . . years before you were born. I have waited YEARS for this day! Do not deny your heart . . ."  
I am already moving for the door. I have had enough. I have had enough. I don't want to be in here with this creep anymore. Because if what he's saying is true, it means I cannot run. It means I cannot have a hope anymore. I have no chance of seeing my family ever again. Force sensitive children are easy to find, they are connected to the very nature of the Galaxy. I don't want that! How could anyone want that!  
"Kylo you coward, let me out of here!" I bang on the door. Once. Twice. Three times. Again and again and again. Even though I know he won't come. He probably isn't even there. He's probably abandoned me.  
"Search your feelings Princess, you know it to be so. Your bond with your husband, your visions, your dreams, the voices inside your mind, you are a Force Child. And through you, the First Order will dominate the Galaxy!"  
"I'll die before I help you!" I scream at him. "I am not a toy! I'm not some puppet to be used! You've taken EVERYTHING from me! Why would I help you?!"  
"Because I can give you what you have lost," he echoes. "I can return you to your family . . ."  
I falter, my curses dying upon my lips.  
"Is that not what you want Denere? Your sister Arya must be missing you. Your parents are growing older . . ."  
"Don't you talk about my parents!" The temperature plummets and I feel a power come over my heart that I have not felt before. It is the strongest defiance. The strongest power. It is indifference. Even if I have to die, oh it will be worth it. Just to see the look on his face, when he realises that he's lost.  
"I can give you the chance to see them again. All I ask in return, is your obedience. Answer me! Are you resigned to die alone! Or will you save your family and join the First Order?"


	7. Chapter 7

****Guys (and girls) I worked really hard on this chapter! Please give me a comment and let me know what you think!****

"Princess, please eat . . ."  
"No thank you, Tare."  
The Stormtroopers hisses underneath his mask. His head darts around as if waiting for something to spring from the walls and eat him. Timidly, he once again pushes the lavish platter of fresh bread and melon towards me. And once again, I push it back. It doesn't take any thought. I can't eat. I don't have the stomach for it.  
"Tare?" He asks. "My name is FN - 305 . . ."  
"Tare was . . . is my brother," I whisper quietly. It has been 2 days since my meeting with the Supreme Leader. And 2 days is a lot of time to ponder over the past.  
"He will be 26 tomorrow," I say. Tears begin to form in the corner of my eyes. "I wonder what he looks like now . . . I wonder if he remembers me . . ."  
A long white finger lifts a single tear drop from my eye. "Don't be sad Princess. I am sure he remembers you. You made a great sacrifice for your family."  
"I need to see a face, I need to know that there is some feeling!"  
Tare hesitates. But then he does something. He reaches up. And he takes off his helmet. Instantly, my eyes are flooded with the colour blue. Tare has blue eyes! Blue, like the ocean at home. When me and Arya would play with our nurse by the beach. Rich and sparkly. I can feel my cheeks grow wet with tears. What a beautiful colour. Blue. Like the ocean. Like the sea. Like life itself. I don't even pay that much attention to his sandy blonde hair or his handsome face that seems to be not much older than my own. Just the eyes. The windows to the soul.  
"Your eyes are beautiful!" I breathe, still staring wildly at this boy's glowing blue eyes.  
"Princess, you've seen my face, you know there's hope. There are other people like you, who are fighting . . ."  
He picks up a hunk of bread and presses it into my dry hands. It is soft and crumbly. " . . . But not this fight Princess. You need strength to fight. So you have to eat . . ."  
"Take hands, off my wife," a familiar voice snarls.  
And there he is again. Standing at the door to my room. The little rat who has caused me so much trouble. And what a surprise. He's still crabby. Something . . . a red fire inside of me. A surge of jealousy . . . and yet it does not belong to me.  
The Stormtroopers hurriedly hauls his helmet back over his head and stands to attention like someone has snapped his spine upright.  
"Forgive me Lord Ren."  
"FN-305," Ren booms. "You will be removed from your current assignment. You will not be permitted in this block again. And you will never have anything to do with my wife again. You will not see her. You will not touch her. You will not speak to her. Do you understand the consequences of you disobey me?"  
"I . . . yes."  
Tare looks at me and even behind the helmet, I feel the weight of his regret.  
"Do not look at her. Leave. Now."  
"Sir." Tare bows and walks out the door. But I shall remember. His eyes. Those are the eyes of a fighter. I won't forget. No matter what Ren does to try and turn me to the Dark Side.  
I open my mouth to curse this feeble excuse for a man. But he cuts me off.  
"You look pale, little spitfire," he says as he lifts the plate of food and approaches me.  
"Go to hell!" I spit.  
"At this rate, you may be there sooner than me Princess. Eat."  
He hands me the same hunk of bread that Tare pressed into my hand. And I have not forgotten. If I eat, I shall stay alive. If I stay alive, the Supreme Leader will use me to hurt people. So I can't eat. It's easy right? Even though my head is on fire, and I can barely think clearly enough except to acknowledge the hatred growing for this man.  
"Never."  
"Princess . . ."  
"WHY WEREN'T YOU THERE!" I shout at him. "I WAS CLAWING AT THE DOOR! TERRIFIED! And when I needed you, needed you! You. Weren't. There."  
Another emotion that is foreign to me. Yet as he takes off his mask and our eyes lock without barriers, I understand something. The shame within me. It is not of my mind. It is from his. I feel his shame, his guilt, cutting through my heart as if it was I. The bond is growing stronger.  
"Forgive me Denere. I could not help you. The Supreme Leader is all wise. You do not see it now. But soon, you will understand that all this is necessary."  
I snort and the very action makes me keel over.  
"Hey . . ." He says. A brief touch of panic. He takes my arms to stop me falling face first into the food.  
"Denere . . ." It sounds blurry, like we are under water. And his face is becoming blurry. I reach up to touch it in my haze of starvation. I feel the smoothness of his skin and taste . . . the saltiness. Of tears. His tears. And I feel like I am falling. And not falling. Floating. And my head is starting to not hurt anymore.  
"Don't leave . . ."  
I am lifted from the ground though in my state, I cannot be certain. I am so . . . hungry. So empty. Both in body and soul.  
"Goodbye world . . ." I rasp. This is what I wanted, this is what I needed. Closure. An end to the loss that could not be repaid. A long rest.  
"No! Denere!"  
We're moving. I am still being held by someone. Something warm and soft touches my mouth. As I taste the saltiness again, I realise someone is kissing me.  
"Don't leave me Love. Please don't leave me . . ."  
His voice. But it cannot be his voice. Because he is a monster, and monsters don't feel love. I am set down on something fluffy. I cannot tell because my eyes have closed. And the last words. Those words.  
"Let her die, and I will kill you."  
Then there is darkness.


	8. Chapter 8

**_**Guys and girls, could I please have a comment in what you think of my portrayal of Denere andKylo in this chapter? Thank you!**_**

It doesn't all come back at once. The real world is full of sights and sounds, sensations and scents, feelings. My feelings come back first. I am no longer numb. My once aching belly - it is not empty anymore. But it is not stuffed either. It is just right. My head no longer hurts. I am lying on a soft surface, the familiar feeling of linen covering my body and my head is cradled in a thick pillow.  
The world is still dark. Not because my eyes won't work. Because I don't open them. I don't dare because I am scared to see that my world remains unchanged.  
Hope. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to turn. I want to do what is right. But I need a purpose. It has to mean something! Once, that purpose was with my family. Helping my people, combatting poverty and agricultural problems. As the second in line to the throne. Now, it is just as a puppet. And I can't live like that. No one can.  
And I can feel something on my skin. It's rough and yet silky at the same time. And something . . . skin. A forehead pressed against my neck. Immediately my world erupts into every single sense. I feel everything now as the tingles spread down my body. Electrified into life. And I know it is him. Despite his betrayal, I still cannot deny that he is the only person to ever illicit such an emotion within me. Cool flesh touched my hand and I feel the fingers curl around mine. He's never touched me without gloves before. Maybe because the very sight of him annoyed me, let alone actual contact.  
"I know you can hear me," he sighs, his breath gently warming my neck. "So I can only assume that you're not opening your eyes, because you can't . . . you can't bear the sight of me. But Denere . . ."  
Go away Ren. Can't a girl get any peace when she's trying to die? My freedom. My family. My purpose. My hope. What else can you take from me but my life?! Has this man no shame?  
"You were right about me," he continues. "You were right, and it took you almost dying for me to see the truth. I . . . I'm a coward Denere. I've never fought for anything in my life. I never had to. But I have made others fight. I've taken lives by their millions. I've made you look on helplessly as you lost everything you ever cared for. You were nothing to me in the beginning. Just a tool for the betterment of the Supreme Leader. And all those times, glaring at you, waiting for you to surrender . . . and you never did. You never bowed to me, never gave up. I was always trying to build up my walls against you. And yet I couldn't. Because you make me ashamed. Of what I am. You were . . . you are the only person in my life who is real, who has heart. You were right about me Denere. I'm a coward and a monster. And I know that nothing I do can ever make up for what I have taken from you. But I have love in me! Love for you. This burning love for you. And I am not without heart. This ship will land on your home planet for a few days . . ."  
My heart soars. Takes flight and soars like it never has before. Something magical is about to happen to me, once again.  
". . . And you may stay with your family for a while. And I beg you to remember that I love you. And I'm sorry. And what has happened to you . . . I'm anything but the husband you deserve, but I'll make sure it doesn't happen again. I'll take care of you Love."  
I'm having some serious doubts about my mental stability if this is the sort of thing that happens. Mass murdering psychopaths confessing their undying love for me. It's sort of concerning . . . could I love this man?  
There comes the line. There are two values. My identity. It is so much more than just my name. If I lose my identity . . . I would rather die. I truly would rather die. And there is him. My husband. The man who has committed so much wrong, has hidden behind a seemingly impenetrable mask. And he has just said that he loves me. And the Force is clearly powerful between us. But the bond is not enough. Love is not enough.  
"Goodbye Princess. I'll return for you in 3 days. And please don't try to run. The bond is too powerful now, and it would be extremely unpleasant for both of us. We have been in close proximity for long enough that I would find you within the day. Take care of yourself, little spitfire."  
He kisses my cheek and I restrain the urge to cringe so that I don't hurt his newly bared feelings. And then I sense he is no longer there. He has left me with much to think about. On the ship still. But no longer there.  
I open my eyes. It was all real.


	9. Chapter 9

My dress has been returned to me. The dress I wore, my last day on my home planet. I loved this dress. The silk is the colour of Spring. The colour of the leaves, a soft green. Not green like poison or jealousy. Green like the grass in the glades. Vibrant gold thread is sewed into elegant flowers all over it. The neckline plunges and the arms flow down to the bottom. And I took my mousy brown hair down. And I brushed it like I used to every night. Now it flows in thick waves down to my waist. This is me. This is Princess Denere of Oldereen. And I have not seen this girl look so alive for a long time.  
Kylo Ren says nothing as the ship lands. He does not touch me. He does not speak to me. But I feel his gaze on me. He looks . . . sad. And I don't like the sorrow I feel for him. Now his face is showing something. And it is breaking my heart to see the agony reflected in his eyes.  
The sun light streams into the ship as the ramp lowers. He takes my hand as if I am glass that could break at any moment, and leads me to the ramp. We stop at the edge of the dip.  
"I won't come down Princess," he says, lowering his head. "Your family does not hold me in good esteem, as they are right to do so."  
He reluctantly releases my hand and bows. "Goodbye Denere. I will see you soon."  
He turns to leave.  
"Wait!" I cry.  
He halts and turns to me, his face dim with exhaustion, yet somehow alive with anticipation. He's still got that same expression when I rush forward and throw my arms around him. I haven't hugged anyone for a while. But a hug touches the heart. A hug livens the heart. So I rest my head on his shoulder and hold him fiercely. Until I feel his arms hesitantly touch my shoulders. When I don't cringe, he tightens his grip and rests his head on mine.  
"Thank you for this chance . . . Kylo." It's not entire. Husbands and wives, they call themselves.  
I feel a sharp intake of breath underneath my head. It has always been "husband", or "Ren" or occasionally some other form of insult. Never Kylo.  
"I like hearing you say my name," he confesses softly.  
"I like the way it sounds," I breathe.  
And I do. This feels . . . and I am reluctant to admit this. It feels right. It feels like this is the way it should be. I'm warm now, not cold. I'm at a strange sort of anchored peace. With him. Even though my resentment is still fresh, I cannot hold onto it if it is not kept alive. It takes more strength to hold onto anger than I am willing to give.  
After a while, we part. He smiles. Not beaming out, and he still looks a little sad. But he smiles. And that's a start.  
"Until we meet again."  
"Indeed."  
I smile back and walk down the ramp.  
Sunlight caresses me. Sunlight. I raise my gaze above my beautiful home city, Kelir where I was born. To the Sun. Oh how many days would I wake to look at that star! And me and Arya would race through the fields playing with the flowers!  
I turn my attention downward and my eyes brush over the tall grey buildings and the marble courtyard. Brushes over the silvery water spurting out of the fountain as it has since I was a child. To this girl.  
Has he told them I was coming home? He cannot have. Otherwise they would be here,the entire Royal Court would be here! But this girl. She looks to be about 8 or 9. Wearing the Royal emblem on her red garments. She has long auburn curls pulled back into a messy bun. Were it not for the eyes, I may not have recognised her. But those bright green eyes rise. And I cannot mistake the energy I see in them. The curiosity still so prominent and the recognition that now dawns upon her.  
My little sister Arya breaks into a run as she races towards me. And I am running too. And the tears are falling. Because I cannot believe I have missed so much. She has become so beautiful. She is the spitting image of our mother. And she's still so short but I whisk her off her feet and spin her around as we are both laughing through our tears.  
"Oh gosh I can't believe it!" Her voice sounds like music. Still so young and innocent, but so full of love. "It's really you! You're back! Oh gosh . . ."  
We wrap our arms around each other and sink to the floor, sobbing profusely. I'll never let go. I'll never let go. Neither of us will. We hang on to each other like even the wind could brush us away. My little Arya. So grown up. And I've missed out on her life. We let go, both of us still in a sort of haze as watch each other closely.  
"Words cannot express how much I've missed you, Denny."  
I smile sadly. And I am sad. Three days is not enough to tell her all that I have seen, all that I have become. Not enough for any of them. And I cannot get my head around it. That the care free days of my childhood are gone. It will never be the same.  
"And I've missed you Arya . . . so much."  
I am home. And yet I do not feel whole anymore. Even here, in the heart of my youth, I feel I do not belong. And that makes me very troubled.  
"Your husband . . . has he let you go?" She breathes, gazing at me hopelessly. "Can you come home?"  
"I'm here for 3 days," I respond down heartedly. "Then Kylo Ren returns."  
"Denere we can hide you!" She suggests, gripping my wrists. It breaks my heart. She is still so naive. So full of dreams and memories. She doesn't know his power, even in her youth, she never did. I made sure she never saw.  
"We can keep you away from him . . "  
"Arya no!" I intercede. "No my friend. The bond between us . . . I don't like it, but it's unpleasant enough to be so far away from him as it is. Over time, we'd both be in agony."  
"Denere, there has to be a way!" She persists. "You don't have to be alone anymore! Surely you can't want to be with him!"  
"I don't!" I insist. Oh Denere, Denere. If she had seen me grow over the past 3 years, she would know that my words sound hollow and false.  
"But he'd find me Arya. He'd always find me. And we don't know what consequences it would bring upon our family!"  
"I'll find a way Denere," she says solemnly. "Even if you've given up hope, I tell you now, I will find a way for you to be free. Now come! Father and Mother will be so happy to see you!"  
With those words, she takes my hand and leads me off into the Royal Chambers.


	10. Chapter 10

There is laughter in the air, yet I feel strangely humourless. Food adorns the buffet table and the entire Royal Court has shown up to welcome me back home. The Grand Hall is alight with golden flames and long mahogany tables are spread with the finest wine,the most tender meat, the ripest fruit. And it's all for me.  
So why do I feel so strange? Father and Mother sit in their thrones at the far end of the hall, their hands linked. Father never had grey streaks before I left. Now, even though I'm back, he still looks weary and the crowns of his hair is greying slowly. And mother. She used to smile all the time, sing all the time. To Arya. To me. She was like a nightingale that could not be silenced. Now she too is quiet, simply holding onto my father's hand as she gives me a downcast smile.  
Tare is flirting with the finest maidens in the corner. Like he always did even though Father warned that a king should have his sights fixed on more important things. He reminds me of the Stormtroopers who unwittingly touched my soul. FN-305. Tare. I hope he is alright. Arya and Nereli are giggling with the court assistants. Nereli has always been very beautiful. She'll be married soon for sure. But Onar . . . Onar I have not seen since I have come. Not once. And Onar is the Captain of the Royal Guard. So he should be here. Why isn't he here?  
Something is wrong. Something is very, very wrong. I don't know what it is. I don't know what feels out of place. My home . . . my home has changed. And I don't like it. People seem more reserved somehow. Since I have entered the banquet. No one has come near me. I get a few nervous glances but that is the extent of any contact. Could it be . . .  
"Denere . . ."  
"Yes?"  
I turn instinctively, expecting to see someone, perhaps a wealthy socialite or someone finally ready to say hello. There is no one. I must be hearing things. I still feel a little weak from my self inflicted starvation effort. Not that it did much good. I am still thinking about what awaits me when I return to the First Order. And there is a constant lump in my throat. The decision is looming.  
"Denere . . ."  
I adjust my ears, listening closely and scanning the room. It as if that voice is right next to me, but when I turn to face them, nothing. No one. And yet I can hear the voice! There is someone calling my name! Reluctantly, I speak, convinced that I am slowly losing my mind.  
"Who's there?" I breathe.  
"Follow . . ." The voice whispers again.  
"Follow what?" I question.  
"Your heart little one. The Force, calling . . ."  
And then my eyes are opened. My goodness it is like nothing I have ever felt. No emotion I have ever seen. The room! Between every individual, these glowing sapphire wisps wrapping around every person! The pulsing energy is electrifying every nerve in my body . . . I am more than a person. I am in this moment . . . trillions.  
I feel every single soul from the newborn child to those about to pass into the next life. I feel the weight of their anxieties, the burden of their fears, their suffering bleeding them dry. The living Force, racing through me. But there is something at the centre of this vast haze of emotion. It is tender and warm. And through the waves of shadow, this tiny little bulb will not dim. It is . . .  
"Love, little one," the voice speaks again. "Love and good and life itself. Love never fails . . ."  
The glowing sapphire wisps dance away from the people and form a path out of the Hall, past the columns.  
"Come."  
And I do. I follow. I can only just feel my legs, it as if I am walking on water. And I can hear the flush of the waves and the brush of the sand. I can feel everything. And yet there is no pain. Follow. Follow.  
At some point, the path stops. The trance breaks and I am able to behold my surroundings clearly once again. The Temple of the Setting Sun.  
Long ago, during the time of the Jedi and the Sith, force users from all the Galaxy would come here to feel the living Force. It was built on an old Jedi temple and the connection even now, is still strong. I am surprised the First Order allowed us to keep it.  
"Princess Denere."  
A tremble prickles along my spine. Tentatively, I turn my head. And almost scream.  
She looks like a ghost. Only softer. Green skin and brown facial patterns. Electric blue eyes that seem to stand out from the glowing blue aura around her. She wears elegant dark robes that remind me of the Jedi of old, but when she speaks, I know what she is.  
"Do not be afraid Princess." Her voice is weighted with authority and the knowledge that in this moment, she commands my absolute attention.  
"I am Jedi Master Luminara Unduli, and I have come from far beyond this life, to help you. Do you doubt?"  
"Never." I believe. After what I have just felt, after what I have just experienced, I can believe that. Even if she was killed hundreds of years ago, in Order 66. My father taught us often that no Jedi ever truly dies.  
"I knew you had the faith, little one," she whispers. "I bring you a powerful message and a gift of hope."  
"But why me Master?" I ask. "It is not easy to cross the veil! Why have you come so far, just for me . . ."  
"Denere," she intercedes, raising a hand. "Those are the fears of your heart. Not the courage of your soul. You are right. It was not easy to cross the veil. But it was necessary. You face a crisis of conscience, Princess. Torn between your husband, the true desire of your heart and what you know to be the light. In 3 days, when your husband returns for you, you must return with him to the Order."  
"Return?" I breathe, shaking my head frantically. "But Master Unduli . . ."  
I halt mid sentence at the intensity of her gaze. She approaches me and I resist the urge to cower back. It is still no less unnerving, knowing that her body is dead. So long ago . . .  
"He loves you Denere," she says softly, watching me intently. Those eyes. It saddens me deeply to think that they were once vibrant with life. Look what evil can do.  
"I have sensed it . . . all of us have sensed it. His heart, always wrestling with the dark side, always revelling in its seduction. Until you came. And you brought light to him. This was the will of the Force. For love, to balance the darkness within him. You must return Denere. You are a force sensitive individual, as is he. You were bonded before you were even born. Your love can save Kylo Ren. And by doing so, he will save us all."  
"I could never love a coward."  
"Maybe he was before Princess. But being loved by someone gives us hope, just as giving our love to someone gives us courage. He let you go Denere, even if only for a few days. The separation is distinctly unpleasant to him, and the Supreme Leader would never have agreed to it. It is a small step my friend, but the first of many he will take for you. You are the only person that I am certain, he will not harm."  
"Forgive me Master, but given what I have seen him do, that is not very reassuring," I protest.  
"Unfortunately I do not have enough time to make you understand your own power Denere," Master Unduli interjects. "My time is nearly spent. I beg you, do not give up on your husband. There is no other way . . ."  
She hesitates as the tears form in my eyes. All the pent up emotions. No no no. Why me? Why me? What did I do to have the weight of so many lives put on my shoulders? And what am I? Just little naive Denere, no home anymore, no friends, no one to see me. I have nothing. I cannot save him, I cannot even save myself. How can she ask this of me?!  
"You would ask me for courage little one," Luminara says. "It is already within you, but . . . I have something else, which may aid you. A protection, and a reminder."  
Her luminous hand touches my chest. I raise my chin, and she nods to me. "Remember little one. Courage. Faith. Integrity. Trust in the Force. Love. Never. Fails. And neither can you. Goodbye Denere."  
One moment, my hand is empty. The next, I feel something cool and firm. In the darkness, I look down. My fingers see, to glide of their own accord, to a button on this strange cylinder. The next, a glowing yellow blade descends from the cylinder. A light saber. And I have never seen a yellow one before. It is a rarity. Yellow for light. Yellow for love. Yellow for courage. I must have courage.


	11. Chapter 11

**_**Please let me know what you think!**_**

"You've changed Denere."  
I blink twice and ground myself as Nereli looks up from smoothing her gowns. I was day dreaming again. I am always day dreaming. About him. I-I miss him. And that bothers me. But then I am a woman with a split soul and a foot on both sides of the fence. The only thing that gives me courage is the reassuring tough metal of my light sabre in my hands.  
"Denere?" Nereli groans.  
"Sorry, I was just thinking," I reply, picking up one of her elegant dresses and helping her smooth it out.  
Nereli's room is the picturesque of organisation. The tall lavish bookcases, the massive walk in closet with the hundreds of dinner gowns and adornments. The balcony overlooks the sea. I can smell the bitter salt in the air and see the lush greenery for miles, stretching out under the clear summer sky for miles. Memories.  
"You used to be so pretty before you left," my sister notes, smoothing out her long fiery curls and smirking at me. "Now you look old, weary . . . weaker."  
The slightest hint of annoyance touches me and I remember that I never particularly liked my sister. When I sacrificed my freedom for my family, it certainly wasn't for her. And I have no shame in admitting it.  
"I had to change Nereli," I say. "There was no other way."  
"Maybe so," she muses. "That man has ruined you . . ."  
"He did not touch me!" I snap with such ferocity that even Nereli steps back. "Our marriage was never consummated, he never forced me into anything, he never lay a finger on me to cause me harm!"  
"Ah, but he has harmed you sister," she laughs. "Are you blind?! Look around you. Look at the shadows that hang over us! Look at what happened to Onar . . ."  
"Onar?" I ask, suddenly alert.  
Nereli is silent. But I can see she is wrestling with something. Shaking her head, questioning, thinking. But I shall have the truth.  
"Nereli," I breathe."Please tell me."  
"I cannot," she insists, turning away from me and beginning to fold her new dresses with a little more force than is necessary. "It is forbidden."  
"What is forbidden?!" I question madly.  
"The affairs of your people are no longer your concern," Nereli hisses. "General Hux forbade us of sharing any information with you."  
"Nereli!" Her will, like a leaf. Only a brush of wind to turn it to mine. The Force surges into me like a tidal wave. With barely a flick of my finger, I bend Nereli's will to mine. When I speak again, my voice is deeper, older. Ringing with newfound authority and the knowledge that even a strong mind, cannot possibly resist the energy I am now wielding. Courage. Love. Integrity.  
"Speak. What happened to Onar?"  
Nereli's eyes glaze over and the words tumble out of her mouth. "After you left, Onar was enraged that our parents had given you up without a fight. He grew bitter, enraged, hating the Order more and more and by the day. At first, it was just the occasional offensive word. They let it slip because he was a member of the Royal Family. But our brother went too far. He missed you too much, and he blamed the First Order for taking you away from all that you loved. Father and Mother tried to reason with him! They said he was making a fool of himself and that he couldn't expect to not pay the consequences. Then one day, a battalion of storm troopers came for him. And he was . . ."  
The spell falters as Nereli's eyes begin to water. My heart is dipping and my mind is reeling. Even though I am begging with every essence of my being, that she is nor about to say what I think she is.  
"Onar is dead Denere. Executed for high treason."  
My control shatters as Nereli falls to the floor sobbing. It is so loud, so shrill that it sounds like she's screaming. Her face is streaked with tears as she pulls at her red curls and I stand there, just watching her. Onar. Onar. My brother is dead. And the man who did it . . . I have been asked to save. Save him? Who saved Onar? Who will save my family? Who will save me?


	12. Chapter 12

It is the third day. The third day of my return home. Although it is no longer home. There are no words I can use, to describe what it feels like to have your roots ripped from underneath you. And after constantly being bombarded with every extreme emotion under the sun, from rage to devastation to excitement, I find that my heart has run out of fuel for it. I just feel numb. And I relish it. To feel nothing.  
The sun is only just setting as I see Kylo Ren's ship on the horizon. The sky is violet, a gorgeous soft hue of violet, and the Sun is like a rippling haze on the horizon. The air is light and cool with a warm sea breeze washing over the courtyard. It as if this scene has been specially prepared, so that I can remember what was. And what will never be again. I shall find my roots again. I shall find my anchor to this world. I will not be the victim here. I cannot be.  
Arya is gripping my hand tightly, tears in her beautiful green eyes. And I grip hers tightly as well. She is the only memory of my family that has remained the same. The only one who I can see, just by looking at her, that still remembers me. Tare looks on, deep in thought. Nereli is still alight with bitterness as she glowers from the corner of her eye. She still has not forgiven me for the power I used on her. Father and Mother are holding hands, still lost in this all consuming void of sadness. They have spoken barely two words to me, since I have come home. Despite my best efforts. And Onar. Onar should be here. But he's not anymore. He's not coming back.  
The ship lands on the docking bay. Feel something. No. Nothing but emptiness. And Arya's sweaty palm in mine, connecting me to life, if only just a little. And I am grateful for that.  
And then he is there. And my heart swells with a thousand different emotions, none of which I can individually touch. I only know that deep inside, I feel glad to see him. I am calmer, more anchored. I could find no solitude with my family. To my deepest regret. But with him, and I cannot believe I am confessing this, I find . . . contentment.  
A squadron of Stormtroopers follows behind him as he descends the ramp and approaches us. And with every step, my heart is racing like a hormonal teenager. But I'm 21 now. I should be able to control my emotions better than this.  
Until he removes his mask, I do not realise that I am holding my breath. Oh how I detest feeling like this! Vulnerable and hinging on his every movement. This is not fair. Does my heart not remember what he has done? The lives he has taken? Does it not feel any emotion except this raging desire and this pity that cannot be denied?  
"King Raene," he booms. "Queen Diana."  
"Lord Ren," my father responds. The Force ripples with barely controlled rage as I watch my Father. He grips my mother's hand as if it his final life line and I can see his despair mirrored in the blankness of her beautiful face. They took Onar. And now they about to take me again. If only they had shown as much fire when the Order invaded our home.  
"I have come to take back my wife. I hope you have enjoyed your time with her."  
"Denere," my mother hisses. "She's not just your wife! She has a name."  
My hand glides to the light sabre so tactfully concealed under my robes.  
He tilts his head to the side but for some reason does not retaliate. "Indeed she does my lady. Forgive my tactlessness. I have come to take back Denere. She is needed in the Order."  
"I bet she is," Tare sniggers. "You've been using her since you started masquerading as her husband."  
Kylo Ren steps forward but I place my hand on his chest. Instantly, the frustration leaves him and the fire leaves his sharp features. Interesting. That never happened before. But then I never dared to touch him before.  
"I think that's enough," I intercede. "Father, mother . . ."  
We already said goodbye this morning. But I do it again. Because I don't know when I'll get another chance. I hug each and every one of the, as if this is the last time we will see each other. Because I don't know the future. I don't know what I'll become. When I get to Arya, she is already nearly on the verge of full blown tears. And when we embrace, she does. And I do. Arya is my home. And everything it represents. Being free, being in love with life. And I beg that I shall never, ever forget what that feels like.  
"Goodbye my darling," I breathe.  
"Bring my sister back!" Arya says loudly, still holding my gaze. And I realise that she is not talking to me.  
I nod one final time to the people who raised me, and turn back to Kylo Ren. He looks at Arya and for a fraction of a moment, his face softens.  
"I will if I can, Princess."  
"Make it happen," she reiterates.  
"As you wish Princess. Love?"  
I wonder who he is talking about until He extends his hand to me. My family are still watching with blatant surprise at his affectionate term of address I take it somewhat reluctantly. As we walk back to the ship, his grip intensifies ever so slightly and I feel the tension leave his body. He actually manages what I think passes for a smile.  
I wonder if that will stick, when I ask him about what happened to Onar . . .  
"I'm whole again, now you are here with me Love," he says quietly. "Can you feel it? The connection?"  
"Something akin to it yes."  
He appears satisfied. We walk up the ramp. The ramp ascends. And the ship takes off, away from Oldereen and my family.


	13. Chapter 13

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The meat is warm and tender in my mouth. The sauce is full of flavour and the plants are crispy and cool. It is pleasant to enjoy the small pleasures of life. All of them.  
The mess hall in which I find myself is bustling with activity. Stormtroopers sitting, eating, chatting energetically. It is easy to forget what they do for a living. Though I find I cannot become angered at them. Not like at Ren. They never had a choice. They never had the world at their feet.  
And no one is coming near me. I chose the smallest table in here but there's still room for others. But they don't come. They don't even look at me. I wonder why . . .  
Suddenly, the entire hall is silent and I immediately guess who it is. Only one person on Starkiller Base could elicit such attention. I force myself to look up from the delicious meal to find Kylo Ren standing at the side of my table.  
I still cannot get used to this. How the room appears to freeze. How we just watch each other, not infatuated with affection, but focused.  
"Return to your business," he says loudly, still holding my gaze. "May I join you?"  
"If you want."  
He slides onto the seat across from me and instantly grasps my hand. He's agitated. I can see it in the darting motions of his eyes and the way his fingers dart over my palm, feeling every line and groove. He is just a man. I see this now before me, this simple emotion like anyone else. Just a man. A man who needs to answer a question.  
"Did you know about my brother?" I ask.  
He falters and all of a sudden, his gaze is even more eager to avoid mine. Guilt then. I don't know why I feel so disappointed. It's not like I expected his ignorance. How could he have not known?  
I start to draw back my hand but he grabs it again, his eyes raw with desperation. "Wait! Don't turn from me again Denere. Please don't turn from me again."  
"Why?" I hiss, quieting my voice. "And give me back my hand!" I reiterate pulling it out from his. "I'm just a tool for you! Why do you even care, you don't need to take care of me for me to be useful . . ."  
"Because I love you!" He says, making no effort to quieten down. "And I know you don't feel the same way but Denere, you have to feel this . . . this energy between us. When you turn from me, every time you reject me is just another scathing fear that your heart doesn't belong to me! And it hurts! It physically hurts!"  
"Good!" I cry. "You've inflicted ten times that on other people!"  
"Denere, I didn't know about your brother," he interjects.  
I halt mid rant. Scanning. Watching his face for the slightest hint that he's lying. Flushing? Darting gaze? No. His eyes don't change. They don't look anywhere but at me. It's like he's consuming me with his gaze. All this anger, this frustration is gone. To nothing. He just looks sad, and desperate.  
"Do you even know my brother's name, Kylo Ren?"  
He winces at once again informal term of address, but continues to speak. "Onar. I met him once before our wedding but I could tell that he loved you very much . . ."  
I snort.  
"I did not know about his execution until after it occurred, and even then only because I demanded to know about your family's wellbeing. The Order has a separate presence on Oldereen that I am not kept informed of."  
I raise an eyebrow. "But you are the Master of the Knights of Ren. Why?"  
"The Supreme Leader already knows about my feelings for you," Kylo Ren continues. "He knows that they will inevitably become stronger and he did not want me to form any more attachments that may be . . . destructive."  
"And you didn't tell me this because? I'm going to be made into a secret weapon? Top priority! My brother who I loved more than anything gets executed like a criminal? Maybe she won't notice?!"  
"You know why Denere," Kylo Ren responds. "You hated me. Even the strength of the bond wasn't enough to break it! I didn't need another reason to see the sadness in your eyes! Denere . . ."  
I hear his voice stop but I am becoming more and more agitated. It's too much. It's all too much. I realise that I am shaking. And I'm shaking alone. Ha! The irony. In a sea of people, and no one knows me. Surrounded by people. But alone. Oh Onar. Onar. I want to see you again. I want to see your face, and hear you laugh and tease me. Oh I want to laugh again!  
"Love . . ."  
I feel someone slide in next to me and a pair of arms pull me close, holding me as if they'll never let go. And I can hear a heartbeat next to my ear and feel a chin gently pressing on my head. And I'm being rocked as I sob silently. All this pain. Rushing out of me as my body quietly trembles.  
"Forgive me . . . forgive me Love . . ."  
My chest hurts and I'm still sobbing. My soul hurts. Like my little fragile heart has finally being punctured and now it's seeping the stuff of life.  
"You were so depressed Denere," he breathes into my hair. And I can feel his tears on my scalp but I'm too wrapped up in my own agony to question it.  
"I've never seen anyone so broken," he continues. "I couldn't hurt you by telling you that you'd lost something else you loved."  
I break away from him to look up at him. Gosh what a sight I must be. Tears streaming down my face, snot blocking my no seams my hair falling and blocking my view.  
"I can't tell you how sorry I am," Kylo says, brushing the hair from my face. His warm hands hold my face. "Forgive me . . ."  
"I forgive you Kylo," I breathe quietly.  
He looks so surprised that it's almost as if I've given him the Galaxy on a platter. "What?"  
"I forgive you Kylo," I repeat.  
"You . . . you do?" He says, raising his eyebrows incredulously. "But you think I'm a monster. You hate me."  
"No," I say a little louder than I intended. "No I don't. You've done a lot of things I don't like. Things that bother me and that I, I kind of blame you for. But my brother's death isn't one of them. So . . ."  
He kisses me. And I forgot everything. I forget all the pain lodged inside my heart. I forget about Onar. Because my body is thrumming with energy. And I feel alive. And our tears mingle freely, the saltiness making me smile. Now that's a memory to log. Smiling in the middle of a kiss, with someone your heart is slowly opening to.


	14. Chapter 14

My first kiss. How unusual. I feel the same. And yet different. I love people. I truly do. It is just that the majority, I do not connect to. I struggle to trust them. And now this Kylo has a foothold in my heart. Didn't I fight? Didn't I struggle to make sure that I never exposed my heart to the pain of love? I fought. But I can fight it no longer. And if I cannot fight it, I embrace the likelihood that I will grow not only to like him, but quite possibly to give him my soul.  
And yet Master Luminara said that there is no other way. She came a long way to tell me. I'm not a selfless person. Not entirely. I think about myself a lot. About my problems a lot. However, there can be no alternative. It has to be me. Love can open the driest soul. If he loves me, and I inevitably grow to love him, I can save him. My chest warms beneath my touch. I want to save him.  
I nearly jump out of my skin when the alarm sounds. It completely destroys my train of thought and all I can think about is getting it to stop. Instantly, my mind surges to Kylo. I hope he is alright.  
The Force swells up inside of me. It is like a furnace burning my bones and I cannot deny it. Calling me. Whispering. There is something I must see. Something that will change everything. A fight that has been lost.  
Without question, I rise and stumble out of my room. Sprinting through the hallways. Turning. Searching. Getting warmer. All of a sudden, a railing looms up ahead. Faster! I race towards the railing and peer over.  
" . . . I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it."  
Before me, the massive chasm looms. One bridge connecting the void. And at the centre, Kylo Ren and the man before him . . . Han Solo as the Force breathes to me. I can see my husband's face. See the agony written in his eyes.  
"Will you help me?" He asks.  
The light saber. His father is gripping the weapon fiercely, I can see Kylo's resistance as it is drawn from him. But there is light. Is this it? Has my journey come to an end? Surely, his father will save him. And my love, my life will not be needed.  
I almost scream when the fiery deformed blade bursts from the handle. Right through Han Solo's heart. In that moment, a thousand voices cry out in my head. The glimmering light, the purity that I felt within him, ever so briefly. It's gone. Now there is only a darkness so deep that I do not dare to call his name.  
Yet as his father tenderly touches his son's face, one last time, and he tumbles over the railing, he sees. He did not see before. A shrill piercing scream, and my chest constricting so tightly I can nearly breathe! And tears singeing my cheeks so aggressively I can barely see. I can barely do anything, except feel. The discord in the Force and the shattering as my heart surrenders to disappointment. My journey is not at its end. It has barely even begun. What Kylo has just done, is the deepest betrayal that ever gave birth to evil.  
"Kylo! What have you done! What have you done!" I cry again and again.  
A blaster bolt shoots through the air with lightning speed. Kylo hits the ground on his knees, clutching his abdomen tightly. Blood in his hands. It's too much. What is happening!  
"Denere, this isn't over," he shouts, smiling encouragingly, like he hasn't just tossed his father over the side. "I'll find you when this is done!"  
"Ha!" I sob, still half hysterical. "Oh no . . ."  
Once again, the Force flares to life. This is the test. Do I run? This is my chance. He's injured, he's not directly fixated on me. My personal guards are nowhere to be seen. If ever I wanted the chance to run, this is it. Now, while everyone's attention is distracted.  
I look down and see him struggling towards one side of platform, still clutching his side desperately. Will he die? If I leave, and I turn my face away, will he die? I do not want that. And yet if he survives his injury, the bond will still remain intact. He will still know exactly where I am and likely continue to hurt people. No. I cannot run. I wanted a purpose. I wanted a reason to survive. This is it. To help him.  
My flesh tingles with the heat as explosions rip out all around me. Starkiller Base. Time to move. My heart tells me to go to Kylo but it would take too long and I can see he isn't waiting. The Force on the other hand, lights the way. My legs begin to sprint. And with e very step, the ache in my chest intensifies until it as if I am running with a sack of rocks on my chest. Something awful has happened to him. In all my wildest fears, I never dreamed that he was so far gone. And if he would kill his father, the man who raised him since birth, then what's to say he won't kill me?  
Icy air bites my skin and I realise I am still barely dressed, only in my night clothes. There's no time to turn back now. As my bare feet make contact with the bitty cool snow, I begin to see in the darkness. Glowing blades. One blue. The other red. Run.  
Throwing caution to the wind, I race towards the blades with no thought to the wood and ice cutting into my feet. He needs me. I cannot fail. Not this time. I am nearly there when it happens. I can literally see his back, almost touch the smooth robes of his garments.  
When it happens, I do not cry out. I cannot for it as if I cannot feel my own throat. All I do feel is electricity pooling at the back of my neck and the pain consuming me.  
My body is lifted from the ground, over a I pass into shadow, I see the fiery red hair of my kidnapper, and hear his voice quiet and certain.  
"Supreme Leader, I have the girl . . ."  
He doesn't stop talking after that. But after that, my consciousness is gone.


	15. Chapter 15

Hey guys, the sequel to this novel is up, it's currently in progress, it's called "Beloved", leave a review!


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